The Sweet Spot: Synchronizing What You Do & Who You Are

What’s the most common question asked at events where people don’t know each other? “So, what do you do?” Right?

There was a time in my life when I resented the question. I didn’t define myself by my job — I was a Wonder Bread salesman at the time — I defined myself by an infinite number of factors beyond my job. The better question for me was, “So, who are you?”

If I ask a person “What do you do?” and they answer, “I’m a CPA,” how much does that really tell me about them? Does it not ignore the depth of the individual’s life, things such as family life, hobbies and interests, goals, etc.? Is that person really a CPA, or is that just what he or she does for a living?

It seems, however, that some people do self-identify with their jobs. In The 5th Discipline: The Art & Practice of the Learning Organization, Peter Senge writes:

“We are trained to be loyal to our jobs — so much so that we confuse them with our own identities. When a large American steel company began closing plants in the early 1980s, it offered to train the displaced steelworkers for new jobs. But the training never ‘took’; the workers drifted into unemployment and odd jobs instead. Psychologists came in to find out why, and found the steelworkers suffering from acute identity crises. ‘How could I do anything else?’ asked the workers. ‘I am a lathe operator.’”

In my younger years, before I understood social leadership, I would have said that this is unhealthy, in every case. But that was because what I did for a living was almost completely separate from who I was. I was working in a capacity that did not reflect the genuine me. Because I didn’t self-identify with my job, I projected and felt that nobody would or should.

Here’s what I’ve learned since then — the sweetest thing in the world is when what you do coincides and synchronizes with who you are. Your job/career/business becomes a direct reflection of your passions, talents, values, and aspirations.

Fabio Rosa and Jacqueline Novogratz can proudly say, “I am a social entrepreneur.” Marva Collins and Gloria de Souza can proclaim without reservation, “I am a teacher.” They have each found their sweet spot.

“A person can have many talents and gifts and do many things exceptionally well, but your vein of gold, ah…That is the thing you do superbly.” -Julia Cameron

Of course, there is a counterfeit to this, when we self-identify with jobs/positions that really don’t reflect who we are, for psychological reasons.

If what you do does not coincide with who you are, then you should not self-identify with what you do. And neither should you continue doing it — you should get out as quickly as possible. If you’re ever uncomfortable with answering the question, “What do you do?”, that’s a sure sign that you’re doing the wrong thing.

So, what do you do? And does it reflect who you are?

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Stephen Palmer is a marketing consultant and persuasive writer with KGaps Consulting, a co-founder of The Center for Social Leadership, and the New York Times best-selling co-author of Killing Sacred Cows: Overcoming the Financial Myths that are Destroying Your Prosperity.

He is a liberal-arts graduate of George Wythe University and a graduate of the “non-traditional business school” Wizard Academy.

Stephen resides in Round Rock, Texas with his gorgeous wife Karina, awesome son Alex, and princess daughters Libby, Avery, and Laela. Stephen and Karina blog about their magical life on Palmer Journeys.

Connect With Stephen:

Email: spalmer [at] kgaps [dot] com